A few months ago, I was speaking to a group of parents when a father said something I've been hearing more and more lately.
"I just don't think kids today are as resilient as we were."
Several heads nodded.
I understood what he meant. Many adults look at the rising rates of anxiety among young people and wonder what happened. We remember riding our bikes until dark, settling disagreements face-to-face and figuring things out without needing a therapist. Compared to that, today's teenagers can seem more emotionally overwhelmed.
But after spending more than two decades counseling adolescents and their families, I'm not convinced today's teens are more fragile.
I think they're more exposed.
Most of us got to survive adolescence without carrying our peer group around in our pocket. When I was growing up, if you weren't invited somewhere, you might eventually hear about it on Monday morning. It stung, but there was some distance between the event and the disappointment.
Today's teens find out in real time. A photo gets posted. A story goes up. A group selfie appears online. Within seconds, a teen knows exactly who was there, who wasn't, and where they stand — or at least where they think they stand. Many adults underestimate how exhausting that can be and what a toll it can take on an adolescent’s mental health.
Imagine if every awkward moment from your teenage years had the potential to be photographed, recorded, shared, commented on and revisited. Imagine if popularity came with numbers attached to it. Followers. Likes. Views. Streaks. Most adults would struggle under those conditions.
Teens today aren’t weak. They’re navigating an environment we never had to face. Their developmental tasks haven't changed that much. They’re still trying to answer the same questions they always have: Who am I? Do I belong? Am I enough?
What's changed is the volume. The comparison is louder. The pressure is louder. The audience is larger. And unlike “our day,” it rarely sleeps.
When we judge teens as fragile or “snowflakes” it shows we don’t understand their reality. When we don’t understand what someone is going through, they’ll resist our influence. And influence is the ballgame when it comes to teens. There are already so many obstacles to influencing them positively, we can’t afford another.
Understanding isn't the same thing as excusing. Teenagers still need accountability. They still need boundaries. They still need adults who challenge them to take responsibility for their choices. But they also need adults who understand the world they're navigating.
One of the greatest gifts we can offer young people is a place where they don't have to perform, manage an image, compete for attention or worry about being judged. A place where they can simply be themselves.
The encouraging news is that I see resilience in teenagers every day. I see it in my counseling sessions, in schools and in conversations after parent presentations. I see young people who care deeply, persevere through difficult circumstances and continue showing up despite enormous pressures.
They're not a weaker generation. They’re just more exposed. As we adults come to understand that reality we’ll be better equipped to help them.